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Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submission to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
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Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
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Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
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Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
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Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
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Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
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Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightgown. -
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9 Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
over by a steamroller.
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Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
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Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
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Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
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Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
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Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
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Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies
up onto the roof and gets stuck there. -
Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
men.