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Date: 2010-02-01  
Author: anabellaannna  
Subject: Can't trust myself anymore

Hi, new here. Need someone, anyone to talk to, I feel like I'm going to lose it one day.
I'll try to make this short but that could some what be hard to do. I was 15 when I got married, my Ex was 29. I ran away from home to be with him, when I call my mom to tell her I was okay, I was expecting my first child with in an couple weeks. That was 25 years ago. 2007 was the worst year of my and my kids life. My Ex and their dad was accused of molesting one of my 10 year olds friends. Lived in small town, he was found quilty and got 30 years. Our marriage hasn't been right for the last 5-6 years and I was waiting for my youngest <> year old] to get alittle older to leave him. But I knew that once I did he would make me be out to be the bad guy and never leave me alone. I started having females come tell me what the sick-o had been doing to them through the years, then I found out that my two oldest daughters <>now ages 24 and 21] had been abused by him when very young.
I have overwhemling quilt, so many whys? that it feels like my head is going to bust. I hear them say I'm not to blame but still. I've always prided myself in keeping all child in my home safe. Just didn't know the wolf was under my feet.
I need help in trying to come to terms with this and overcome my very low self esteam.
I have remarried a wonderful man, but I'm scared that all the issues I'm dealing with will be too much for him. He shouldn't pay the price of the emtional damage that someone else caused me.

I'm sorry this post is long, just have alot on my heart.


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